I posted this on my facebook. If this goes through and gets into the public record, I will be able to use her name while sharing my narrative in the future.
**TW; rape, sexual assault, victim shaming/blaming**
A year and a half ago, I was in a relationship with a woman I had deeply loved and trusted. Four months later, I was raped by her. I was repeatedly abused during the span of our 8 month long relationship. I was continuously harassed afterwards.
I publicly outed her, was extremely vocal and had gone to the police. This woman responded with a very public dismissal that I was not only hurt over a bad breakup, but that my being 20 years younger meant that I was inexperienced in both relationships and in dealing with rejection. That I was over-reacting, exaggerating and lashing out because I was already broken.
People believed her.
I was raped, assaulted, starved, harassed, cyber stalked, emotionally abused and forcibly confined multiple times. And she got away with this. The community, THIS community, not only failed to step up and hold her accountable when the police didn’t; but some people went so far as to proactively protect, support and promote this woman. I no longer can believe in “inclusive”, “sex-positive” and “safe space” events and locations.
I am not going to reveal her name online. I’ve been successfully scared and threatened. I no longer have the energy nor the will to go into details online again.
"Our" community seems to have little resistance in expressing outrage and demanding accountability for men who rape and rape culture. I, as well as other victims, have yet to see this kind of call for accountability within our own community. The community has a lot of work to do. And needs to do it without farther traumatizing, ostracizing and silencing victims of sexual assault.
So why would I be mentioning this again? Why am I opening myself for another backlash? Another round of “so much lesbian drama”; another round of “You can easily find another girlfriend.”; another round of “I don’t understand. Women can’t rape. You must be having separation anxiety”. Why?
This woman has, yet again, done this to other women. Other womEn. As in PLURAL.
It’s been a year since I’ve outed her. This is fucking ridiculous and ABSOLUTELY unacceptable.
I doubt I was the first one. I could’ve been the last one. I should’ve been the last one. I wasn’t.
Apparently, she is now in jail. I don’t know for how long.